10.19.2011

Freestyle



Typically when I'm out to eat at fast food restaurants I know what food I want going in. A burger. A slice. Maybe a chicken sandwich. Maybe some tacos. Not all at the same, I'm not my dad (j/k Pops. Though I'm realizing now he doesn't know what "j/k" means). The real test of "undecidedity" is choosing a drink.  The Gods like to play this game of "chance" with me all the time. The Coke machine is there when I want Pepsi. I have a taste for Sprite and it's Sierra Mist. The machine has Barq's and no root beer comes out. Ahhhhhh, root beer. The choice made 8 out of 10 times.  The sweet taste of caramel and vanilla carbonated into a frothy beverage. One sip sends me back to CYO camp <record scratch> [Ed's note: get back to the story].


Anywhooooo.


This decision on picking a beverage is tough to make when the machine is outside of the counter. Meaning the people working there don't dispense it for you. Meaning you have to choose. This is easy right? The choices are typically some sorta dark-based beverage (cola), some clear-based beverage (lemon/lime), a "Pepper-ish" one, a juice and water. And maybe, just maybe an orange soda. Done. NEXT! But wait. I enjoy more than just 5 or so types of drink. I have a certain distinction for vanilla Coke. Or maybe grape soda (queues up the stereotypes). So I can only enjoy these drinks in plastic bottle from the grocery? I thought we were in the future? I got a phone that answers my questions and does video chat but I can't get a effing grape soda while out?!?!


Strap in bitches, time to get your mind blown...



The Coca-Cola Freestyle.




What? Simply put, Coke devised a way to incorporate signature drinks with the additional of multiple flavors.  Let's walk through shall we?


You walk up the machine, the T-1000 of soda dispensers. It stands over 6 ft tall. It looks intimidating. And rightfully so. The machine is never without someone in front of it, touch screening in their choices. Wait, touch screening what? The touch LED display greets you with a smile. You overlook the machine wondering what Asgardian magic is this? There's a screen and one dispenser?  One? You touch the screen and get...


Not my hand.

...21 choices?? WTF? How? Why? YES!

So of course, you're thinking that's pretty awesome. I would like a Vault instead of regular Coke. Nah, hold up. Let's not get crazy. 21 choices is great but I'm a creature of habit is what you tell yourself. So you choose.... Coke. It's safe. Is it though? Really?


This is where the pee starts to trickle. The Coke screen brings up flavors. Yes, FLAVORS!! Vanilla. Lime. Raspberry. Cherry. Orange. Annnnnnd no need to mix* Cherry-Vanilla, because it's there already. <record scratch> WAIT A MINUTE! Relax, I know what you're thinking. No, wait just a damg-blasted minute! If the "Coke" choice has these flavors, it is possible. I mean, dare I check if.... Yes, THEY do.

Go back a screen and choose Fanta maybe. BOOM! Fanta Orange, Fruit Punch, Lime, Grape, Strawberry, Peach, Raspberry, Cherry. You're thinking "there's more Fanta girls than I thought..." Correcto. The list goes on and on and on. Powerade? Get crazy. Sprite? Go for it. Dasani? Sure, new school Kool-Aid.

So you FINALLY make a choice after the line behind you has formed and snakes throughout the store. You sit down. Take your first sip. It's good. You tell yourself, "Today is the 7th day and I shall rest." You earned it. Did you?

After the 2nd or 3rd sip and reality slaps you in the face like mistaking a regular woman for a prostitute. Why did I JUST get this Raspberry Coke when I can MIX other flavors together?!?! And here's the beauty of the Freestyle. *You CAN mix flavors.  When pressing the button for soda, like any other soda machine you hold it for as much as you want. Don't stop at a Raspberry Coke. Get a Minute Maid Strawberry Cherry Lemonade Sprite! The possibilities are endless (however the taste might not be). I'm sure there has to be some combos not shown that are downright delicious and wondering why no one thought of that before.

Now let's change our pee-soaked undergarments, enjoy the future time we live in (thanks Apple) and sip. But the ultimate question is, WHERE are they located? TA-DA.

-DM

UPDATE: Yes, I realize this may not be new to some people but it's noteworthy nonetheless.

1 comment:

  1. Prop Joe coulda sworn some kid came up with this idea back in da day. He used to take gatorade, coke, pepsi, snapple, vitamin water and combine it into one nasty ass drink. Guess the mofo didnt get that shit patent.

    ReplyDelete